I can hear you out there, thinking your loud thoughts. "Where should I go on vacation this year?", you ask. "I'll tell you where. Someplace warm. A place where the beer flows like wine. Where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I'm talking about a little place called Aspen." If this doesn't trigger thoughts of Harry and Lloyd clinging to each other on a moped, faces covered in icy snot, stuck together with Lloyd's frozen urine, you haven't lived! At least the movie got one thing right though: Aspen is the place to be.

If you've ever thought that the Rockies could be a little, well, rockier, Aspen is the answer. With beautiful attractions like Aspen Mountain and Snowmass Village, you're bound to find something for everyone. Hiking and skiing are some glaringly obvious choices for a vacation in scenic Colorado, but there's just so much more to do here! For example, the shopping is "off da hook" (very nice), and while you're out spending his money, your husband could be taking a winter fly-fishing trip. You both win!

"But, connoisseur of Colorado, how am I supposed to get around to all these great shops?", you may ask. Well, have you ever ridden in a disco on wheels? I didn't think so. It's called the "Ultimate Taxi", and it's worth the trip just for this experience. You want to make your trip unique? Mission accomplished. Reservations are required for this wild ride, and once on board, you'll be treated to a laser light show and a real disco ball. If you're lucky, you may even get a saxophone solo or a magic trick! You'll never think of a taxi the same way again.

If you can't get a ride in the taxi, but you'd like to "throw another shrimp on the barbie!", there are literally hundreds of incredible restaurants to check out in the area. Everywhere you go in this town is a great place to eat. There's steak, seafood, Mediterranean, Italian, Chinese take-out you name it, they've got it. Prices for entrees range from under ten dollars to thirty and up, but you definitely get what you pay for. You won't be disappointed.

The most important choice you'll have to make as a visitor to Aspen is where to stay. There are countless beautiful condos and homes for rent in and around Aspen, offering a great variety of amenities and locations. Most can accommodate large family gatherings, and offer such comforts as fireplaces, hot tubs, and game rooms. Just make sure you beat everyone else into the house to claim the best room for yourself when you get there, although I wouldn't suggest jumping on the bed like Lloyd. It's just not polite.

So when you ask yourself, "Where should I go for vacation this year?", don't be dumb (or dumber). Choose Aspen, in gorgeous Colorado, and create memories to last a lifetime.

This certainly-not-dumb (or dumber) guide to Aspen was brought to you by Kelly Sigler